Holding the Lifeline
A Guide to Suicide Prevention

Module 3: Substance Abuse as a Major Contributor to Suicide - Page 2 of 17

Alcohol Abuse and Increased Suicidality

"Suicide and substance abuse, they were my only friends. Suicide was my friend because I had control over it compared to everything else in my life. I can't stop drinking, but I can hurt myself. I can shave my head. I can kill myself. That felt good.

I started drinking in third grade. I've had several suicide attempts. The last one was after my mother died and after I lost my son. I lost everything. My family hated me. They were tired of empty promises. I was homeless because my dad wouldn't let me back in the house. It was February and I was freezing and crying in the mail slot asking my father to let me back in the house.

I was either going to die or be a drunk the rest of my life.

So many people working in treatment don't see you as having an illness. They get jaded and frustrated from seeing people come in, relapse after relapse. Finally, a woman really treated me differently. She told me that I hadn't lost it all--there was still hope.

I couldn't stop drinking just like that. But my dad worked with me to go from drinking a 12-pack of beer a day, to nine, and then only two beers a day. I turned my bank account over to my father so I wouldn't be tempted to get drunk. I found a program that worked for me in dealing with my alcohol abuse and my mental illness.

I learned things like one size doesn't fit all people in treatment. I learned that I don't really have control over anything except for my Perception, my Attitude, and my Response to things--PAR. I also learned that it's not just substance abuse. You need good nutrition. You have to give the person some method of doing it their way. You can't just treat from the neck down.

Alcohol abuse and mental illnesses should be treated like any other illness. I am not ashamed to say to people, I am a recovering alcoholic. I am bi-polar. At the same time, it's very important to separate yourself from the mental illness or the substance abuse. My mother's illness didn't define her. We knew her for her loving personality. She was a survivor.

I am so happy that I get to have a relationship with my children again. I feel like I am starting over. All my life, I've been numb with alcohol. I'm actually feeling things. It's scary. I feel so rich right now. Every conversation I have I want it to mean something.

For so long all I wanted to do was die. I care about people now. I care about life."

--The words of a suicide attempt survivor.

a person writing a list of items to be used in a planned suicide

For thousands of people, the dual conditions of substance abuse and suicidality create a living nightmare. Substance abuse (particularly alcohol) can make the suicidal feelings, thoughts, and/or behavior even worse. Substance abuse can also impair one's impression of a situation or experience, contributing to misjudgments about what reality is. Any substance that alters a person's consciousness and awareness in a distorted or exaggerated manner can increase suicide risk because the person is not operating at their full capacity and awareness, leading to impaired judgment, perception, reality-testing, and comprehension.

Example of Alcohol as a Risk Factor*
frank

Frank's hand was shaking as he tipped the bottle into the glass and downed the shot. He joked to himself, "Is the glass half empty or half full?" and poured another drink. Frank had no illusions. His "glass" wasn't just half empty, it had bottomed out. Yet Frank drank anyway, seeking a break from his problems and from himself.

Over the past few months, Frank's depression had taken on a drastically new and frightening shape. His mind raced ahead to the future. A few weeks, a few months, even a few years. He saw himself. One of those crazies. Abandoned. Maybe even homeless. Another frightening image came to Frank: his father, slumped over the kitchen table, dead drunk. And then years later, his father in an institution. A hospital gown barely covering his bony knees and thin arms.

Frank began to think more about his past. His dear Aunt Paige came to mind. Frank remembered Aunt Paige's quiet assurances. "Frank, when you hit rock bottom, there is no where to go but up," she would say. But Aunt Paige was wrong. When you hit rock bottom, there was another option.

To be continued.

* Created for illustrative purposes only , not a real person.

As the example shows, Frank is under the false impression that the alcohol will make him feel better. Instead, using alcohol is merely driving him deeper into the depths of depression.

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