Warning Signs of an Abusive Dating Relationship

A number of warning signs are helpful to know when you are meeting someone for the first time or are starting to date.

• The man drinks heavily. If he is rejected, he may get angry and violent and try to force sex on you.
• The man does not listen to you, ignores you, or talks over you. This shows that he has little respect for you and might not buy it when you say "NO." Be careful.
• The man does not respect your "space" or personal boundaries. You do not need to have a guy pawing all over you.
• The man shows or expresses hostile feelings toward women. The jump from hostile feelings to a violent act is a small one, particularly when alcohol is involved.
• The man does what he wants no matter what you say. If he makes all of the decisions about where you will go or do, he probably will not respect your wishes about sex either.
• The man plays on your guilt when you do not give him what he wants. If he calls you uptight or a prude, do not let it get to you. Remember, he just wants to have sex and does not really care about your feelings.
• The man acts jealous or like he "owns" you, even when it is clear nothing is going on. This type of guy will only get worse over time and may show a bad temper as well.
• The man has a very traditional attitude about male and female roles and believes "women have a certain place."
• He yells or is rude this mother or other family members in front of you. This shows he has little respect for women in general.

If you can check even one of the items above, you may need to have a second look at your relationship. Most cities and towns have counselors who work with teenagers. You can call the national hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233) or go to www.ndvh.org for more information. Your local phone book may also list a local teen hotline.

Source: "Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship." VAWnet. Minnesota: National Resource Center on Domestic Violence, 2001.