CONTENTS

About This Course

Table of Contents

1. Getting The Basics
2. Substance Abuse
3. Violence Against Women
4. Violent Men
5. Alcohol and Violence
6. Alcohol, Drugs and Sexual Assault (Date Rape)
7. Preventing Sexual Assault
8. After a Rape or Sexual Assault
9. Assistance - Women
10. Assistance - Men
11. Legal Options

Supplements
Resources
Glossary
Fact Sheets

It Won't Happen to Me:
Substance Abuse-Related Violence Against Women for Anyone Concerned About The Issues

Scenario 1: Man drinks some, woman not so much

Bob and Mary have been married for 5 years and have no children. Early in their relationship, Bob was charming and very attentive. Mary had had some bad relationships in the past, and her parents split up when she was a child. She felt lucky to have found a charming man like Bob.

Bob was a social drinker at first. He would meet friends after work to grab a drink or have a few beers when watching sports on t.v. Mary would sometimes have a beer, but not very often and usually only one.

Over time, Mary noticed that Bob became more critical of her clothes, her appearance, and her actions. He started complaining about his job and the stress he was under. Mary felt the tension at home and tried to make things as calm and "right" as she could.

Bob began abusing Mary verbally and emotionally, telling her she was getting fat and ugly. He would say that she should be grateful that he stayed with her since no one could love her as much as he did. Mary began drinking to deal with the humiliation and verbal attacks.

Bob's drinking increased. He drank more often and in greater amounts. After 2 years, he punched Mary for the first time. Alcohol became Mary's crutch and her way of making the pain go away. Bob often forced her to drink with him and threatened to beat her up if she did not join him.

Bob continued to drink more as his violence increased. Mary was scared to leave because Bob threatened to kill her if she did. She did not know what to do.

Key Points

• The abuse started slowly with no physical violence.
• Bob was the one who used alcohol to excess as his relationship with Mary developed.
• Bob's abuse and drinking increased at roughly the same time. As he became more out of control with his drinking, he used more power and control over Mary.
• Mary began to use alcohol after she became the victim of verbal and physical abuse. She used alcohol to cope. She also went along with her husband's demand that she drink, because she wanted to avoid further violence.
• Mary's first concern must be for her own safety. She needs to contact local domestic violence resources and tell them about Bob's abuse and his alcohol problem. She also needs to talk to a substance abuse counselor about her own alcohol use.

Women in abusive relationships carry a lot of shame and guilt. They are in pain and are often isolated. They feel as if they are responsible somehow for the abuse and blame themselves if it continues.

Many women find that the combination of pain and isolation leads them to begin or increase their alcohol use. They need to numb the physical and emotional effects of being victims. In fact, many drug- or alcohol-dependent women are addicted to sedatives, tranquilizers, and stimulants, drugs that their doctors prescribed.¹ (See Module 3 for more details on abusive relationships.)

In this example, the woman begins to abuse substances as a way of coping after the violence and is coerced or forced by her partner to use alcohol as a means of control. The man used alcohol and emotional and physical abuse to control the woman. His violent tendencies increased along with his alcohol use. Alcohol probably worsened the situation, although it did not cause the violence. Remember: Alcohol is not an excuse. Bob can't blame his violence on alcohol.

Reference

1. "Model Domestic Violence Policy for Counties." Albany: New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, January 1998.